That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
