Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Randomize
