i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
