so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is it because I queefed?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
