I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
