I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he shaved USA in his pubs
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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