i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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