Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
