Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize