did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
