Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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