my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
