Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
