She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
