My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
