i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
