I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
