ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
