Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
