do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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