also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
