My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
