no, he came in my armpit
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
