Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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