if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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