Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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