bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
