I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
