i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
