i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
