you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
