Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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