i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
