remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
