you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
accomplished twins. life is a go
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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