she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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