you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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