he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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