wanna go halves on a baby?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
