They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
