i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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