Where did you get a picture of my penis
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
