If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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