We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
