Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
