my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
