btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
