I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize