i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
