he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
