my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
