Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All the doctor said was why
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
