i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
