I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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