I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
