It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
