Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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