just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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