it hurts more in the daytime
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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