I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
