I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
