Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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