Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize