omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
