and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
