I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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