On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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