I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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