Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I sprained my soul last night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
