When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
