It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
