My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
