there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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