Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
