I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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