Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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