I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All I want is dick and wine.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
