i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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