Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
This house was built for laser tag.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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