The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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