How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize