Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
